3 Tips That Lead To Forgiveness | Love me when I least deserve it ... | Posted by Jacky Sherman on 21/08/2024 @ 8:00AM By now, if you 've been reading my blog posts or other literature about networking - or just working from your own experience - you will know that referrals grow out of trusting relationships ... Re-evaluate the reasons someone let you down. Are you willing to forgive them yet? created by sblogit! the ai-driven blogging platform Unless you've been hiding in a cave all your life, you will also know that sooner or later, someone who you thought you could trust will let you down.
Now they, of course, are the same person, however, the context in which you are operating has changed over time and maybe your relationship has never been tested in that area. Maybe you can give them a break?
"Here are three stories drawn from my experience that offers you food for thought!"
"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I need it most." I struggled a bit with this Swedish proverb when I first heard it. I think it is the use of the word love, which is an intense emotion.
However understanding what is happening for the other person that led to them letting you down can lead to compassion and a helping hand rather than writing them off,or worst still getting into a fight. Here's a wonderful example of how it led to collaboration and a better result for all.
Two senior men in a company had a major fall out. By the time I got involved to mediate, one refused to even be in the room with the other. His reason? He required input from his colleague in order to complete his own work and he was constantly missing deadlines because his colleague wasn't forthcoming. As a result he had to deal with a lot of angry customers.
One angry customer was too many and he confronted his colleague in what turned into a shouting match that got completely out of hand. What he didn't know was that his colleague was suffering from extreme work overload alongside some personal crisis and had, after this row, been admitted to hospital.
All he knew was his colleague had been signed off with "stress" following the row. Once I gained his colleague's permission to share with him what was really happening, he completely changed and showed immediate huge compassion for his colleague.
They ended up working up a plan on how they could jointly manage their workload and their MD's expectations on what was possible.
"What are you expecting this person to do for you that you are not willing to do yourself?"
This is a really tough question to ask yourself when you're angry with someone. We spend so much energy justifying our own position we rarely look at the root of what made us react with anger.
I had a client who was estranged from his son who had married a girl from another faith. He was prepared to accept this woman if she converted, which she had refused to do. As a result, he refused to have her in his house.
His light bulb moment was to realise that he was asking this woman to do something he was unwilling to do - change her faith. As a result of this insight, he gained respect for her as she shared this strong spiritual value with him.
My pleasure in this was hearing about the celebratory dinner he had with his son and daughter-in-law to celebrate their marriage. And the question about children? Well, they will be better informed about deciding their own faith when they grow up now that they have access to all their grandparents.
"People are doing the best they can with the resources they have available!"
This statement challenges you to accept that people start out with good intentions. It may be that they just do not have the knowledge or skills available to deliver what they promised.
If someone is doing something for you, it is easy to assume they have all the information and know-how to go about the task and get the right result, as a result you hand over to them completely.
Like many of you who network, I have received a 'bad referral'. That is, someone in my network group passed me a referral and when I phoned the person up, they had no idea why their friend had given me their name and they had no requirement for what I offered.
My first reaction was that my contact was game-playing. We belonged to a group that required referrals and I thought he was just making up his numbers for the week.
I was pretty cross with him. When I fed back to him he was surprised. He actually is comfortable with cold calling so considered any contact was a great opportunity to get through to a decision-maker and build the business from there.
Now for me, cold calling is my least favourite activity and I wasn't prepared for it with this telephone call. I had assumed he had asked all the right questions and his contact had a need and was eager to meet me.
"What I hadn't done was properly brief him on how to refer me!"
I never told him how to identify a need for my services and how to facilitate the introduction. As well as this, I had failed to check in with him about what he had said to his contact and what he was expecting from my call.
In fact, I'd abdicated all responsibility based on the fact that our personal relationship was so positive and I nearly lost the relationship altogether as a result.
So My Referral Tip this week is to go back and re-evaluate the reasons someone in your network circle let you down. Are you willing to forgive them yet? What could you do to rebuild trust with this person as you may end up with a better relationship in the end?
Check what is going on for them. They may be having a bad time at present and you may be able to help them through it. Perhaps with a referral to someone else in your network?
If you're still angry with them check if you are willing to do what you asked of them. If your first reaction is yes, I recommend you get a trained coach to challenge you. You may be surprised by what you learn about you. Check you gave them the help they needed to deliver for you.
Were you asking too much? Were they well briefed? Or did you abdicate all responsibility? Until next time ...
JACKY SHERMAN
Would you like to know more? Want to learn more about building productive referral relationships? It may be a great idea to give me a call on 07970 638857. Let's have an initial chat over a coffee and see how I can help you. More blog posts for you to enjoy ... | | | | | | | | |
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