 | Friendship Is Good For Business | It's just human nature ... | Posted on: 19/11/2014 By: Jacky Sherman |
I often hear people say don't mix business with pleasure and that they always keep their business dealings and friendships separate. The science of symbiosis applied to human relationships would suggest this is not the best strategy ...
At the beginning of a workshop, I always ask people "what are the benefits of networking?" Someone will often say that one of the side effects is they have made great new friends.
"I'm not so sure this should be seen as a side effect. True friendships are the most rewarding relationships humans have!"
Friendship outlasts romantic or sexual love between couples and can be more satisfying than family bonds. It's summed up by the saying "you choose your friends not your family". I suspect to some of you that can sound a bit motherhood and apple pie - a bit fluffy - not business-like at all!
So, as at present, I am re-reading Stephen Pinker's book, How the Mind Works and I thought I'd examine what he says about the psychology and evolutionary theory of making friends - why it is such a fundamental part of human nature.
Maybe we can see how those friendships rooted in business might be central to our networking strategy and not simply a side effect:
Tit for tat does not cement a friendship, it strains it!
Pinker points out that friendship is not simply reciprocal altruism where for every transaction an equal transaction has to be given. As he states, "few, if any of us, would be comfortable if our dinner guests pulled out their wallet and offered to pay or invited us over to dinner the very next day."
Apply this to your business network and it instantly takes the pressure off. Once you're friends you will want to help each other, but if your friend gets an opportunity to refer you a large piece of business you don't need to feel uncomfortable if you can't instantly find a large piece of work for them in return.
Your turn to help them will come in good time and they will wait. Of course, this equally applies the other way too. We are like the bank, whether we like it or not
Pinker reminds us that however altruistic we are, we only have so much time and resources to invest in other people. We look for the best return on our investment.
In networking terms, it pays to take your time to weed out the cheaters who are never in a month of Sunday's going to reciprocate. It also pays to check whether others can repay. Remember you will not develop a strong relationship if the reciprocation is too unbalanced.
Indiscriminating, over-enthusiastic networkers often complain that they give and give and give and get little in return and can make the recipients feel very uncomfortable rather than grateful. Symbiosis keeps your investment costs as low as possible
Symbiosis is a term used to describe two organisms who associate because the side effects of each one's lifestyle fortuitously benefits the other one, but neither pays a cost.
This is like the Clown Fish and Sea Anemones on a reef. The Clown Fish gets protection and the Sea Anemone gets water circulation and nutrients from the movement of the fish.
So it pays to develop a symbiotic relationship with others in your network, where you both benefit from the relationship without having to make a major investment in costs. Choose people who have the same interests as you - these might be people in similar industries or where you both have the same hobby or pastimes.
You may share the same sorts of clients and can easily introduce each other to potential clients. It might be people who benefit from your success - your suppliers - where the more business you get, the more you will buy from them.
Alternatively, it can be you who benefits from their success -your customers - the more business they get the more they will buy from you. Friendship evolved as a risk management strategy for when we need it
Pinker points out that unfortunately, it is the bad credit risks who most need favours. One day that might be you. In evolutionary terms, in order to survive well before the welfare state, what kind of strategy would our ancestors have developed? Pinker asks the question, "what kinds of thoughts and feelings might evolve as a kind of insurance in which other people would extend 'credit' to you even if misfortune were to make you a risk?" Feelings of friendship of course!
Now as humans, we don't consciously go through that thinking in a manipulative way as we make friends. That is how our desire for friends evolved and now it's hardwired into us as part of our human nature. We experience it as a deep and satisfying emotion so when people ask you why you are friends you are likely to say "we have a lot in common and we know we'll always be there for each other".
We also know from our own experience in tough times who our true friends are.
My Referral Tip this week is simple: Apply the best side of your human nature, go out networking with your friends, with a clear goal to make new friends.
If you'd like to know more about how to build referral relationships that give you so much more than just a new client why not give me a call on 07970 638857 or click here to ping over an email with any questions you may have.
Until next time ...
JACKY SHERMAN
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