What is Passive Aggressive Behaviour, and how do we deal with it?

CREATED BY JACKY SHERMAN Published: 24/04/2026 @ 09:00AM #PassiveAggressiveBehaviour #IndirectCommunication #NegativeFeelings #Frustration #Resentment

Passive Aggressive Behaviour is a way of expressing negative feelings, such as frustration, resentment or anger, indirectly rather than openly. Instead of stating what is wrong, a person may appear polite or agreeable on the surface while acting in ways that suggest the opposite ...

What is passive aggressive behaviour and how can we effectively handle it?

It often shows up as a mismatch between words and actions. Someone might say "Yes" to a request, but then delay, forget, or do it half-heartedly. Others may rely on sarcasm, backhanded compliments or the silent treatment, all while insisting that everything is fine.

Although it feels like a modern buzzword, the term
has surprisingly formal origins!

Passive Aggressive Behaviour was first identified during the Second World War by the United States Army. Military psychiatrists noticed that some soldiers resisted orders not through direct refusal, but through stubbornness, inefficiency or intentional procrastination.

In 1945, this pattern was officially described as a "Passive Aggressive Reaction", highlighting how people could express defiance without open confrontation. Over time, the concept moved into psychology and was even classified as a personality disorder in early editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

As psychology evolved, so did the understanding of passive aggression. The diagnosis itself was eventually removed, largely because it was considered too broad and overlapping with other conditions.

However, the term didn't disappear. Instead, it became part of everyday language, used to describe a common communication style rather than a clinical condition. Today, Passive Aggressive Behaviour is seen less as a fixed personality type and more as a habit or coping mechanism that can appear in many different situations.

In modern life, passive aggression can be spotted
in small, everyday interactions!

It might be the colleague who agrees to help but never quite gets around to it, or the friend whose jokes carry a sharp edge. It can appear as chronic procrastination, subtle sabotage, or playing the victim to express dissatisfaction indirectly.

These behaviours often stem from a discomfort with direct conflict. A person may feel unable to express their feelings openly, perhaps due to past experiences, workplace culture or fear of upsetting others, so those feelings emerge in quieter, less obvious ways.

For those on the receiving end, Passive Aggressive Behaviour can be confusing and draining. It creates a sense that something is wrong, but without anything clear to address. Over time, this lack of direct communication can erode trust and make relationships feel uncertain or tense.

Managing Passive Aggressive Behaviour is largely aboutbringing things back into the open.Calmly pointing out what is happening and focusing on actions rather than accusations can encourage more honest dialogue:

• Name what you're noticing gently but clearly -Focus on observable behaviour rather than accusations."You said you'd send that yesterday, but it hasn't come through. Is something getting in the way?"This invites honesty without cornering the person.
• Don't reward the indirectness -If you respond only to the surface (e.g. accepting repeated delays without comment), the pattern continues. Calmly holding people accountable encourages more direct communication.
• Encourage direct expression -Create space for them to say what they may be avoiding."If you're not happy with this plan, I'd rather you say so; we can adjust it".You're signalling that honesty is safer than subtle resistance.
• Stay grounded and don't get pulled into the tone -Passive-aggression often invites irritation or confusion. Responding with equal sarcasm or withdrawal escalates things. Keep your tone neutral and steady.
• Set clear boundaries and expectations -Be specific about what you need and what happens if it doesn't happen."If the report isn't ready by Friday, we'll need to move ahead without it".Clarity reduces room for indirect avoidance.
• Check your own response patterns -Sometimes passive-aggression thrives where direct communication feels difficult forbothpeople. Modelling straightforward, respectful honesty can shift the dynamic over time.
• Choose when to address it and when to step back -Not every instance needs a deep conversation. But if it's a recurring pattern that affects trust or work, it's worth addressing more directly.

Setting clear expectations and boundaries also helps reduce the space for indirect resistance. Just as importantly, creating an environment where people feel safe to speak openly can prevent these patterns from forming in the first place.

Ultimately, Passive Aggressive Behaviour is not really about what is said, but what is left unsaid. Understanding it is the first step towards replacing confusion with clarity.

This can build more direct, honest communication in everyday life.

Until next time ...

JACKY SHERMAN
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